I Am Not Me (poem)

 I am not me

the person you see is a fake
an imposter
wearing a masquerade mask

An actress if you will
who is broken inside
it hurts how we all
just go on with our lives

but no one notices
my misty eyes
or the weak half smiles
meant to disguise
my pain and disgust
they are my guise

how my life always means
being down on my luck
no one can help me
no one gives a fuck

I can barely function
yet I am here
for who?
for what?
I take it minute by minute
I don't care

Yet I do care
For some small reason I am still me
the good soul inside
just beaten, broken, angry

I don't want to die
but don't care if I do
what is the point I wonder
it seems so cruel
live for others
please them
as trained puppets do

I've given up on trust
I've given up on trying
I still have love, but love is dying

I am a mystery
no one really knows
the person inside
it's all a show

Do I really matter?
It rarely feels that way
Tired of being abused by others
Fakeness is the word of the day

Cynical
the black cloud knows my name
too tired to care
too tired of this game

I need to cry but I can't
I no longer have feeling
Numb as Novacain
Dry as desert
this life has me reeling

Greed is killing me
along with those who are unkind
if the meek shall inherit the Earth
I will finally get mine

I want to hurt myself because I deserve it
run away because I'm through
on the outside I'm normal
but what you're looking through

is a damaged robot
a culmination of years of pain
it never went away
I'm barely sane

People don't really know me
I like to hide
the ones that seek me, open me up
To those I confide

For that moment the weight is lifted
I know I'm not alone and have help
Even though you can't solve my problems
the thought that you cared saves me from myself

For those are the special ones
the ones that care
the ones that have the gift to look outside of themselves
it is quite rare

A hug is priceless
Kind, encouraging words are the best
be that special one
you may be all they have left